I can see clearly now

this blog is for the past couple of days of my life that was quite interesting...

Monday, April 11, 2005

Finally, distribution of grades... it's been quite a while that i have been anticipating for this day and finally it has arrived. im a super grade-conscious kid and id be a hypocrite if id say that getting a d.l. wasnt part of my "to-do" list. As my dad was driving me to school (which he super seldomly does), my heart was super pounding coz i know that i had done fairly well this sem than the previous semesters. ive been trying to compute like every scenario for my grades the whole summer break, and now its time to finally see the real deal. here's the thing, i know my grades na in all my subjects except s.a. and eco. the teachers dont want to get bothered, i guess. so if i get B+ in both subjects, then id get a 3.35 qpi. so there, when i got to sec b foyer, winni was the regcom in my line!! haha so i said to her dont tell me my grade coz my knees are like all wabbly and stuff... and then i asked my friend to get it for me coz i am super freaked talaga that moment. anyways, my friend told me what grades am i expecting for sa and eco.. and then i said B+, and then she just stared at me and said: " Nakakainis ka talaga, you even exceded past your expectations noh..." It really wasnt registering on my mind, until it came to me... YES!!! I was a dean's lister!!! Gosh... pwede na kong mamatay.. hehe one of the best experiences of my entire life... my first d.l. *smile*
turns out my qpi was 3.43. Thank you God!

Well, im a very insecure man... and i always (and i mean always) seek for approval and flattery from others. that is just me. i am a people person and yes, im not afraid to admit it, but i need people to keep on encouraging me and making my head bloat so big so that i can strive harder on myself. well, im slightly disappointed that no one recognizes my efforts ive made this past semester... Im sorry pero kelangan ko i-motivate sarili ko right now through this, and im not doing this just to boast. but really, i fucking dont get the credit that i deserve. people around me dont really see the achievements i have made for the past few months... i worked sort of as a working student at night by tutoring a kid almost every night form 7-10 pm average. i had a project (leadership development program) to take care of, which is quite exhausting knowing the fact that its a month long project, i had 20 units of academic load, which includes a fucking accounting 30 and a stupid l.s. (leadership and strategy). i am proud of my extra-curricular activities, satisfied with my performance in academics, and have been working my ass off just so i can make the ends of my college life meet. and people think that im not good enough? shit man!!! screw all of you!!! puta, sino sa inyo makakapagsabi na naging working student kayo sa ateneo, and yet nakapag-dl kayo, balancing everything from extra-curricular activities, ample socialization with people handling stupid family problems all at the same time? i mean come on, i should deserve better than what the people around me think of me. alam mo yun, imbes na magdiwang ako for my accomplishments, i am writing my frustrations, in hopes that i convince someone out there that i am a good catch... *wink* my anger is subsiding now...

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

God! What a hell day! The RegCom sucked! Big time! You know what? Enough said... Sa mga walang summer classes.. Good God you are so lucky!!! Pag 1st sem ganyan parin yang sistema nila lilipat na ko ng lasalle!!! haha yeah right...

today i just realized how over-achieving i can get. i mean i applied for this thing in ateneo, and i got a little bit overwhelmed... (though that's not gonna stop me from doing what i want), and i got persuaded to join this thing again by my friend, that i assume is gonna take up a hefty fraction of my time. but at least now i wont be working part time as a tutor anymore, coz i think i have night classes na... shit... and i live in malabon... now that's just great...

the day ended with a realization that made me look in the brighter side of life.. you dont always get what you want. you see that's my problem, sometimes my mind gets clouded with all those im the greatest, i have everything, superiority complex kind of crap... haha im both proud and ashamed of that (i cant seem to explain why). guess ill just have to be myself, good ol' Mr. 'Thinks too highly of himself that everyone's below you and you are like god'... Maybe the people around me are right with their judgement all along....Guess im not that perfect after all....